You Do You

It’s not uncommon to hear about people looking back on their lives to realize they’ve spent too much time (okay, wasted) trying to be perfect. Even worse, many of us spend far more time than that focused on being liked by the people around us—trying to figure out what exactly they wanted, then contorting ourselves into whatever role would fit that bill. 

For instance, have you ever done things that you didn’t really want to do simply to please others—to “up” your likeability game? The answer is likely yes for all of us at some point in our lives.

So, let’s talk about people-pleasing. Now, at first glance, the concept sounds harmless and perhaps even like an excellent idea. After all, what in the world could be wrong with people being pleased with you? Well, nothing, until it comes at too high of a price, and one that costs you, in essence, your yourself. Put simply, people-pleasing can be unhealthy, disempowering, and extremely time—and energy—consuming.

Yes, leaving people happy after interacting with you feels great, and it is amazing if it occurs naturally, but when doing so comes at the expense of being true to yourself, it crosses the line and becomes a hard pass for me. 

To put it bluntly, you could say that being a people pleaser can make you into a liar. Maybe not consciously, but in reality, on some level, it can. I think what this comes down to is authenticity. But authenticity isn’t simply being true to yourself. It’s about being less concerned about potential rejection from others—and letting that shape how you act toward different people, showing each side a different version of yourself.

I’ve discussed the importance of authenticity in consulting in the past. Authenticity is not only crucial for keeping us healthy and happy in our day-to-day lives but being authentic as a consultant is equally vital. Why? Clients need a consultant they can trust—one who will always tell them honest facts about their situation, not a version that may make them feel better temporarily, only to have them face a rude awakening down the road. 

Not only is it for your client’s best interests, but being authentic benefits you in the long run, too. It attracts the best clients for your brand. The benefits of removing all masks and letting the truth of business matters, and yourself, stand without the need for embellishment (or contortion!) are exponential.

When adopting this new, freeing mentality of just saying no to people-pleasing, in consulting in particular, there will inevitably be times when you encounter a company or client that may not be a great fit for you. Maybe it’s because your morals don’t align, the organizational structure isn’t going to work for you, or any number of other reasons. However, this is something you have to anticipate and be okay with as a tradeoff—knowing that it is not your job to merely be likable. It’s your job to be authentic, transparent, and do the best work you can. When you do that, the right people (and clients) will gravitate to you. 

In a nutshell: You do you.