The Mixed Blessing of Being Well-Liked

It’s an age-old difficulty in the workplace: who is liked and who is not liked—and why? But while it is easy to get bogged down in who likes you and who does not, it is rarely productive to focus your energy on this question. Instead, in this article we will discuss the important attributes that will help you succeed in your work life as well as the ways in which being “well-liked” is overrated.

The Advantages of Being Liked

The reason people worry about being liked is almost so obvious it goes without saying. In many fields, working together with coworkers is a necessary aspect to your job; therefore, those who can engage more productively with their managers and peers will find career success. So although the attribute of “likeability” may be the wrong one to focus on, it is critical that you are able to treat your coworkers as real colleagues. That is to say—with respect. Here are three actions that can help you get ahead:

Active Listening: Though it can be a key component of likeability, the skill of active listening goes far beyond people-pleasing behavior. Active listening is the practice of “hearing” someone—not just they are saying to you, but how and why they are saying it. This form of communication prioritizes a mutual understanding shared by both speaker and listener, making it an integral skill when working with others.

Positive Body Language: Though it may be counterintuitive, body language is often just as important as other forms of communication. By making eye contact, nodding to show others you are focused on what they are saying, leaning toward them and more, you can communicate your interest non-verbally. Often underestimated, your body language is a powerful tool.

Showing Enthusiasm and Gratitude: It is important to appreciate what ought to be appreciated! Contributing to a positive workplace environment means working to uplift others around you when they ought to be uplifted. By spreading positivity around you, you will not only improve your mood but also the moods of those around you. 

When Likeability Can be Dangerous

This is the negative side to the likeability conversation. Many people are concerned—sometimes to the point of obsession—with who likes them. This is an understandable concern. After all, it feels bad when someone does not like you, and this feeling can affect your work. While it may seem intuitive to hold the opinions of your coworkers in high esteem, this approach can lead to significant problems. In order to minimize your own personal burden of likeability, here are some actions to avoid:

Doing Constant “Favors”

There are no two ways about it: sometimes, it feels impossible to say no. And the difficulty of holding your own boundaries can become difficult when one is concerned with making friends as opposed to maintaining positive working relationships. But holding firm to these boundaries is important for your own sense of self, especially when power dynamics are involved. Therefore, it is best to limit asking or granting favors in the workplace unless absolutely necessary.

Bystander Behavior

In many industries, the importance of functioning as active bystanders is being trained at the human resource level. While it can feel daunting to interrupt inappropriate speech or actions, it is critical not to act as a passive bystander due to fear of social consequences. This is where the need to feel liked is most pernicious. And although there can be real problems with the diffusion of responsibility when multiple people witness unacceptable behavior, it is important to engage when you are needed.

Rejecting Compliments

This last behavior might seem counterintuitive, but bear with us. Although it might seem like a safe bet to respond to compliments with humor or self-deprecation, it can ultimately hurt your professional growth if you have difficulty accepting praise when praise is due. In other words, let people compliment your work and do so with humility and dignity. Relatedly, do not over credit others when you have done the bulk of the work on a job. Simply put: with receiving and giving compliments, use the Golden Rule.